Self-Sabotage to Self-Actualization

Updated: Sep 3

Remember when I said 2020 is the year of transformation? I meant it. And, it's painful and it's exhilerating and encompasses all the feels as I move through it and watch my family move through it.


Change is good and even crisis can bring us to the point of healing. Sometimes it's when we are in the middle of crisis that we can finally clear the cobwebs and get our heads above water. I've been pouring over the astrology readings from the 4 astrologers who send me updates and they are all closely aligned in their interpretations of this time of crisis that so many appear to be experiencing that is the precursor to healing our primal wounds. Whether they are cellular/ancestral or from this current life, we have to choose.





Mystica Mamma shared Leah Whitehorse's intepretation of this past lunar eclipse and the new moon we stepped into on January 24th.

“The old order must be deconstructed to make way for something different. Uranus is forcing us to make changes in our lives to ensure our security for the future.
Sometimes Uranus brings curve balls, shocks or surprises. We need to be on our toes, open, objective, flexible and prepared for the unexpected."

I have had several people also in crisis ask me recently how to let go. How do we as humans move on from the hurt and pain we carry? My response is always you just let go. Great answer, right? Not so much for those who either have never been able to just move on or for those who have never faced adversity, so facing it now, they have no idea how to process their pain. But, this weekend, I got it on a deeper level. I woke up and my mind went to this place of pain that I have carried for a while, but really at its heaviest the last 18 months. And,I just said no. I realized this pain was like a heavy container I have carried with me and I literally just laid it down. We do not have to carry our pain forever. It is is in our realization of this choice and decision to live life fully that we can move on.

Let me acknowledge that it may be unfair to say I just laid down the pain and walked away. I have lived in it, beat it to death, analyzed it, discussed it with friends and family....put the song on a repeat loop and just let go on over and over and over again.

And, then, I stopped. I sat down and I took this story, this pain and I said to Spirit, "I'm finished with this. It's yours now. I'm done." Followed by that has been a lot of prayer and and daily meditation. The prayers and the meditation have been the same each day for the last week.

I set some goals for myself this year. I think they are the most attainable goals I have ever set. One is daily meditation. I'm not new to meditation by any means. But, giving myself the time and space to sit and be still is not a luxury I have afforded myself very often the last few years. Maybe because I haven't made myself be important enough in my life. Maybe because I usually fall asleep (which is okay as it means you need healing). Maybe because there are dark places inside I want to keep hidden.

There is simply no reason to live in a world of pain. Each of us has the same capacity to overcome as those we hold up as inspirations. The Simone Biles was removed from her mother's care, sent to foster care, adopted by her grandparents, was sexually molested by an Olympic doctor and is still the number one gymnast in the world. Bethany Hamilton is a world-renowned surfer whose arm was bitten off by a shark at the age of 13. Richard Branson is dyslexic and still was able to build the Virgin brand. Oprah Winfrey was molested at the age of 14, ran away and gave birth to a son who died and is now the number one source of inspiration in the world. Dwayne Johnson grew up in poverty and once in high school had to stop his mother from committing suicide by walking onto one of the busiest and most dangerous roads in Nashville.

We are each given the same 24 hours in a day and the same ability to overcome, to lay down our burdens and live to our fullest. That doens't mean you cannot nap or take a moment. But, it does mean you need to be fully present and aware and intentional in all you do.

Today, lay down your pain. Feel the lightness and live your best life.


“Transformation isn’t sweet and bright. It’s a dark and murky, painful pushing. An unraveling of the untruths you’ve carried in your body. A practice in facing your own created demons. A complete uprooting, before becoming.” Victoria Erickson








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