Well, the past two days I have said to friends that I am at a major crossroads in my life. My Mother, who is quite ill requires much care and attention from family. I am going to my parent's house one full day per week to give my Father a much needed break from her. We are smack dab in the middle of what I am currently referring to as adoption hell as I muddle through the current rumors and half truths floating around about the continued extension of our referral wait. We are trying to get the house ready to sell to move into a more family friendly home - or a more homeschool family friendly home. I am waiting for Noah to officially begin his Kindergarten year so we can officially begin homeschooling. I am also anticipating a potential shift in mine and Noah's life as most of our friends begin public or privately educating their children thus losing our weekly playmates.
I am at a crossroads.
We come to these points in our lives. Transform or die. Or is it transform and die? I guess it depends on your perspective. To transform or die means this: If you do not transform, something inside of you dies from starvation or sadness or loneliness. To transform and die is to transform and go through a death of an old ideal or emotion or situation that no longer serves you. The first is somewhat negative. The second a positive.
I will transform and be reborn the better for it. Trial by fire. That's what this is. So....I just keep swimming. I will continue to give my time to my parents. I will get the house ready and it will sell and we will find a home that brings more happiness to our lives. I will come to a decision and thus find peace with the adoption situation. I will finish the next 4 weeks of Noah's last year of preschool and we will then have 2 or so blissful months of going to the Y pool each and every day this summer before beginning our first year of homeschooling. I will get through this uncertainty of waiting to see if the last family who is holding out to homeschool in our group sticks to her plans thus allowing us to continue with the Wednesday routine of the last 5 years!
Transform, die, be reborn. It is an age old mythology and one each of us faces each and every day. Now on to adoption news....